When is a dog not a dog

No matter how hard I try, when I look at my dog, Simon, I don't see a dog. I see my little boy. Perhaps it's his breed, a boxer. Perhaps it was my frame of mind when he came into my life ten years ago. Perhaps I'm just a nut job. Whatever. I look at him and my heart just melts.

Last February we noticed that he was having some trouble walking. We took him to his vet and she ran tests and xrayed him. No arthritis, no tumor, vet stumped. I started doing research and became fairly certain that he had degenerative myelopathy. His vet confirmed although complete confirmation can only be made by a veterinarian neurologist.

Degenerative Myelopathy is a nasty disease that affects approximately 1% of the dog population. Of course, that's just the number of dogs who actually get diagnosed. The percentage, when taken into account the number of dogs who are routinely put down when they begin to show the signs of this disease, would be much higher.

In the past, German Shepherd Dogs were the most affected breed. The reason is still not clear. Now, boxers are becoming effected as are some of the larger breeds such as Great Danes, Great Pyrannees and then some smaller breeds such as Welsh Corgis.

This disease robs dogs of the ability to walk. First, they become wobbly on their feet and their back toes begin to curl under. Then, their back legs stop working altogether. Eventually, the front legs stop working and then the respiratory system.

We put Simon on a special diet, lots of protein, especially sardines, and started taking him for acupuncture once a week. We briefly took him for hydrotherapy but were not convinced that it was helping him.

We were able to locate a cart for him. He took to it almost immediately and has amazed us with how well he can navigate. Want to see?


And yet, I find myself becoming more sad by the day. Every day brings the day that I'll have to say goodbye to Simon closer to me. I can hardly bear it. I WILL release him. I WILL NOT let him suffer. But my heart is breaking.

I have so much anger at my various friends who, I feel, have abandoned me and my pain. I have several friends who know that Simon is losing his ability to move and yet, none of them offer support or even bother asking me about him. The only person who consistently supports me is my darling LBelle. And, of course, husband wonderful.

So, if anyone reads this, tell me. How do you handle living with a broken heart? How do you watch your best friend wither away? I know I'm not the first or last to suffer but how?

I leave you with these pictures, taken last night